I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been going to yoga as often as I did before my accident, or that my right leg is kind of messed up right now since both my ankle and knee are complaining out loud. I'm also not sure if I'd forgotten how to yoga breathe since I bruised my ribs, and now am having to retrain my lungs and diaphragm to cooperate again. Or maybe I haven't been eating enough protein lately, or that I didn't eat as much as I should've before class again. It's just been off for me. I've been feeling weak, in both of the last two vinyasa classes I'd attended. I could swear that I'd been able to keep up with everything a whole lot better, and any muscle soreness from the poses I would have experienced after class, not in the middle of class, and as a result, not being able to hold them as solidly as I know I can. Having to catch my breath from time to time is still an issue, stupid ribs that are taking forever to get back to normal. I've just been running out of stamina a lot faster than what I thought I'd gotten used to running on at one point in time. I thought I was supposed to be getting stronger as I went and the more I practiced, not backpedaling. Something has been sapping my energy, and I can't seem to place my finger on it.
And this is right after Meghan emphasized the importance of embracing our imperfections and letting go of self-criticisms, and repeated throughout the whole class that we should not focus on what we think we're supposed to be able to do, but on what we're doing and are already capable of instead. Way to be practicing self-love and forgiveness, Holly. Did we lose your attention for one minute here? Hello, pause, rewind, restart. Whatever the reason might be, it doesn't matter that much. You tried, didn't you? You did what you could, didn't you? How many times have I heard this, from every one of my yoga teachers: it's your practice, your body, your experience, and your progress. Nothing to compare to, nothing to measure up to, nothing to worry about, and no deadlines to meet. Setbacks are normal, remember? Off-days are a part of the game. I only recently read an article that basically sums it up: learn to not only get used to but also cherish sucking. You need to suck a lot before you begin to suck less. I even wrote a whole blog entry on this subject not that long ago. It applies to riding, and it applies to yoga. Except, maybe yoga for me is slightly more low key than riding. But, once again, friendly reminder to self: it's ok, as long as you do your best and keep going. You're working hard, and you're always trying harder. It's ok to cut yourself some slack from time to time. You are only human! By the way, you're doing great, because you're not stopping!
What do we learn from off-days? The fact that we showed up, went, and faced them to begin with says something. Everyday can't be a perfect day. I went to the studio and got through a yoga class, that in and of itself is an accomplishment. Whether I was at my 100% or not, I gave what I was able to give, and I did what I could do with how much I had. I still challenged myself, and my body still marked the experience. I went and did it, and that by itself counts. And we get something out of each practice, each time, on a great day or off day.
We, as human beings, are messy creatures, in so many ways. But messiness keeps things interesting. Imperfections are what make us unique individuals. Imperfection is beautiful. I know I'm a hot mess, and I've learned to revel in it.
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