All right, I didn't go riding today. But I have some legit reasons for it. I had one hell of a day. I'm beyond relieved that it's over.
What I can say about myself is that I'm pretty good at interviews. When it comes to first impressions, I can ace it with relative ease. And here I thought I wasn't a people person! Well, I also know that I can be one heck of an actress. After all, for years, I was trained for the stage, and I can put on a good act without too much effort. The people at the school were impressed with me enough to hire me on the spot.
But, I'm not taking the job.
As it turned out, in order to qualify for working toward certification from ARTC, I can't work part time, not in DE, in a private school, or as a substitute teacher. A full time, salaried, contracted teaching position without any prior teaching experience in a school of any sort, and without a teaching license from any state? Good luck on that. Not to mention, there aren't that many places with such possible open positions that meet all the criteria for me to apply to at all in New Castle County, and the other DE counties are flat out just too far away for me to handle. I began to fully question, if this really was a good idea for me, if it was really worth pursuing, when it's worn me out already after just the very beginning.
The answer was no. Maybe I've known this all along.
I reached out to Dr. McCabe, one of my professors (and also a friend) during my graduate years at Towson University. She's one of the few people I know in this world whose advice I will always heed. Following a discussion with her, I made the flip over decision of my life: I'm going back to Towson. I'm going back to graduate school. I'm going to pick up from where I'd left off in 2011, and finish it this time. I have all of one more year to go, and I can jump right back in this fall semester, get into the intensive term and student internship year, and then in spring 2016, graduate with a master of science degree in music education and a Maryland state issued teaching license.
I can't say this was never what I wanted upon my return from overseas. I'm allowing myself to admit now, that this is what's good for me, and that this is the step to take. If I could just separate and distance myself from the voice department, Towson isn't a big, scary place after all. My memories of the music education department are only positive ones, and I'd missed the network of support from the faculty members who have dedicated years and years to preparing and sending out future music educators. For once, this choice feels 100% right. I won't be all alone, groping about in the dark on my own. I'll have help and guidance every step of the way, and the sense of familiarity will also do me good. I'll probably be one of the oldest students in the intensive year program, but that doesn't matter. This is what I want, and I'm going to go for it with my heart and soul. There are times in life, if you want to get ahead, reach your goals, move on, and succeed, then you need to put your feet down, stump them a few times, and make some difficult decisions. There will be sacrifices, and there will be hard times. But in the end, it's up to you to make it all worthwhile, and do what you must in order to get what you want.
Classes start on August 26th. I can't say I'm not more than a bit excited to be a full time student again. I have all my family's support in this, and most importantly, Ezra is in this with me also. I held out for him for 4 years, leaving behind my education and career to follow him to the other side of the earth, and my sacrifice has contributed to his being where he is today. Now, he's going to hold out for me for 1 year, so that I may finally complete what I'd started and be where I'm meant to be. I'd already put so much time, effort, and money into this. I don't think I can live with myself if I were to let it all go to waste. And this is the last year within the 7-year window period at Towson for me to not have to start all over from scratch. Now or never. I'm not turning back, not giving up this time. I'm going to plow through and take it to the very end. I know what I need to do, and now I'm going to do it!
My application for re-enrollment is filled out and emailed to the registrar/graduate re-enrollment office. As soon as my status is re-activated as a full time graduate student, Dr. McCabe will put everything together and get me registered for classes. I can't express my gratitude enough to Dr. McCabe for doing this. There are few people who have stood and vouched for me through all the ups and downs in my life, and she's one of them. She's also a big reason why I'm absolutely confident in having made the right choice this time.
How's that for things having been a bit coocoo for me lately? I plan on spending more time with Candy to make up for having neglected her. Enjoy the remaining few weeks of freedom, Holly. Come September, you're going to be one busy bee, especially if you want to keep up with riding and yoga while juggling a full course load. But, you know what? I'm up for the challenge. I'm excited for it all. This is the route for me. This is my path in life to take. I may still mourn 4 years of lost time, but it's not late yet. Next year at this time, I'll be fully ready to step into the work force as a music teacher, with a license to teach, as well as a master's degree!
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