Linus had his long awaited consultation appointment with the orthopedic surgeon this morning. I went with him all the way to Towson for his appointment, riding along with Mary, the president of the rescue organization, and Annie, another volunteer/foster parent. The visit went well. I like the surgeon, to my relief. We are going to proceed and plan for Linus's hip surgery. It's going to cost CFA a whopping four grand, but it's going to be done. After two years, it won't be put off any longer. A fundraiser will be started, and the organization will begin saving money right now. The surgery will fix his hips and pelvis, improve his mobility, eliminate any pain and discomfort, and guarantee him a good life afterwards. With any luck, it will help his chronic constipation related colon problems as well. I am hopeful now. I am looking forward to this. I can't wait for my boy to be able to have a normal cat's life, to be able to keep up with the girls with no difficulties. I love him so much, I want this for him more than anything. Finally, the light at the end of the tunnel for Linus!
I don't feel like recounting a very long and frustrating day yesterday that involved a ton of driving back and forth, but let's just say that it ended well. Unfortunately, my riding lesson got rained out, but I did get a whole lot accomplished. Our credit card is all paid off. We are more or less caught up financially. I have been officially reactivated as a full time graduate student at Towson University, approved for in state tuition, and I have successfully registered for fall semester classes. It's happening. It's really happening. My student account and school email are back online. The next steps will be getting a new ID card, a new parking permit, having the in school deferment forms for my federal student loans signed by the registrar and then mailed out, and doing a little bit of supply shopping before school starts. Final couple of weeks of freedom, I ought to take advantage of them before it's crunch time again!
Sunday we got together with our friends the Mabreys, who came up from Fort Meade and had dinner with us at our beloved Prost German Restaurant in Port Deposit. We go way back with Cody and Jessica, our best friends that we made in Georgia, and Ezra and Cody made it through AIT together. We are definitely among the best parts of Maryland for each other right now. 3 years of separation, while we were in Japan and they were in Germany, we just picked right back up from where we left off, as if nothing happened in between for so long. You know it's true friendship when.
After dinner, we went to the barn, where 2-year-old little Eli had a ride on Candy with me. I think for the first time in her life, Candy got to carry a little kid on her. Granted, it was no more than me putting Eli in front of me in the saddle and then walking Candy around the ring in a few small circles, with my one hand holding the reins and the other holding a wiggly toddler in place, but we all had fun, and I think I might've just converted another future equestrian. Eli loved the horse, that's for sure. And Candy did well with him, all things considered.
Back tracking a little, Friday I had a great ride. I raised the jumps up, and for the first time in almost a year, I felt like I was jumping, really jumping. Not just plopping over little crossrails barely off the ground, but actually jumping over real fences. I've been so proud of Candy, and of myself, too, I dare say. Candy's true colors are starting to shine through more and more, now that we're starting to get used to each other and become in tune with each other. She's one heck of a jumper, and with her, I've found my confidence and courage again. The fear of raising the fences higher no longer overwhelmes me. She's turning me into one heck of a rider, and I can't even put down in words my love and gratitude to her. Granted, we still need to take it slow, a little bit at a time. We are both gradually getting back into shape, and it's been a while for the both of us, since we were last able to do this kind of stuff. We're working on it and getting there, but baby steps and small progresses count. No big leaps overnight, that's for sure. Nothing about riding happens quickly. For me, it's been almost one year. For Candy, it's been two years. I was once again reminded to not be impatient and start pushing too far too quickly, when on Saturday, we majorly flopped a double oxer, twice. Ok, it may or may not have had something to do with mechanical failure, as I found Candy's bridle and reins in three pieces afterwards, the leather parts completely severed, and the bit no longer in her mouth. But in all honesty, I might've rushed. I could've set up the jump wrong, or it could simply be that we're not ready to handle a double oxer yet.
Despite one moment of disappointment and discouragement (I admit, I went home afterwards upset at myself and feeling sorry for my ego after my failure at a higher and harder jump), I remembered how far along we've come in just one month of working together. Relax, you've only known each other for a month. You're still getting to know each other and learning to fully trust each other! My ever supportive, rational, and pragmatic husband eventually lifted my chin up again with his ever so blunt way of putting things: you're not learning anything if you're not getting fucked. Yes, it's really true. Making mistakes means that I'm no longer where I was. It means that I'm moving further and going somewhere. Years and years of riding will still result in making similar mistakes every time you try to go one step higher and one notch more difficult. You need to mess up in order to improve. You're not learning if you're not messing up. It doesn't mean you're no good. It means you're pushing your challenge line and moving out of your comfort zone. Improvement requires messing up, again and again. Karly had said it best: if it could all be learned in a year or two, no trainer would have a job. A fellow rider whom I got to know while riding on Okinawa, who was an instructor at Mihara for a couple of years, has told me, "if you improve every time you ride, then you're doing something right." The level of trust, in myself as well as in my equine partner, is not something that can be established in a handful of days. Correctly, effectively, and gracefully commanding my own body, as well as a sentient animal with a mind of its own that is 10 times my size, doesn't happen in a few months. If it were easy, why would we need to spend a fortune on lessons? If it were easy, wouldn't everybody be jumping oxers on horseback?
I know I might've tried to deny it before, but I will never deny again that I enjoy teaching. I really do. All kinds of teaching, for that matter. After my ride on Friday, I kind of gave a little bit of a lesson to a teenage rider, who gladly welcomed my help on her horse. She appreciated the fact that my advice made sense to her and was already making a difference for her, and that her seat and legs were feeling it following my instruction. Maybe someday, I can become a successful trainer, and enjoy giving riding lessons to young riders who love this sport as much as I do. Having beginner youngsters look up to me, seek my help, and welcome any tip I might have for them only motivates me to do even better and work even harder myself. I would love to share with them what I wasn't able to have at their age. In a world full of lousy wannabe instructors, I want to be a good one, teaching out of love and not out of greed, be like the trainers who have taught me well. And I firmly believe that by passing knowledge on to others, you learn even more yourself. After all, we are all students for life, as equestrians, as yogis, as everything.
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