I felt like I had finally gotten my strength back, and my breath as well. I guess my ribs have finally healed completely. I was breathing my beloved and familiar deep breaths and moving with them, expanding my torso, and using the air going in and out of my lungs to propel me in and out of poses, fully and deeply. I felt energized and fueled again, and the love of yoga spread through my limbs, wrapping me over like a cozy blanket, lighting me up from the inside out. I felt happy. I felt complete. I felt awesome being there in the studio. Granted, skipped and modified poses still had to happen. But I didn't mind. What I cared about was the fact that I was there, and that I was practicing yoga, under the guidance of one of my favorite teachers in the world. I was simply feeling great, and loving it.
Tuesday night, despite the heat wave, I had my riding lesson. It was quite apparent from the start that not seeing Candy for a whole week made a difference, in the other direction. It was as if I'd forgotten everything I'd learned from the week before. Of course, I knew I had legitimate reasons for having not practiced my riding since my last lesson. The first week of school was insane, and no one would blame me for it. Nevertheless, I still felt a bit ashamed, especially with Candy's obvious restlessness followed by more moments of uncontrollable excitements. It did take two close calls before I figured out one of the leading culprits: someone had gotten to her saddle and shortened the stirrups. What the hell? How? Who would've used that saddle, since I'd assume that everyone knows it's Candy's, and who could've possibly ridden Candy without asking Leigh or myself first? Barn gremlins' assassination attempt? Well, after I lengthened the stirrups, Candy did manage to calm down, and we finished on a good note. The heat and humidity were doing a number on us both. I was glad to finally get to use the new wither pad on her, which I'd so happily gotten but had left sitting in the backseat of my car for a week, and I think it's helping her a lot. It was already dark by the time I got off at 8pm, and by the time I got everything packed up and put away, it was pitch black. Boo, shorter days. But please, let cooler weather come with it soon, please! I'm beyond done with this heat!
I don't know exactly when I'd gotten the chance to really think about this, but it's not always a bad thing when I start to really think, and think a lot, about something. I listened to myself confide in Ezra, and I was proud of myself for it. Perspectives matter, so much, for so many things. Recently, reading articles related to music education philosophies have inspired me. Just like we shouldn't be teaching any academic subject just for taking tests, we shouldn't be teaching music just for putting on concerts at the end of the year. Guess what? The same principle applies to what I do outside of my future career, competitively or no. I'm not taking voice lessons and practicing singing just so I can get hired by an opera company by a certain point in the near future. I'm not taking yoga classes and practicing yoga just so I can get yoga teacher certified by a certain point in the near future. I'm not taking riding lessons and practicing riding just so I can compete in horse shows by a certain point in the near future. Even if Candy ends up never taking me into a show ring, she still will have given me more than all my previous years combined as a rider who's learning how to ride, and how to ride well and better. Even if I never get to go to a single show with her before her eventual retirement, because of her, I will have gained countless valuable hours spent working on my horsemanship and equitation techniques. I will become a great rider with what I will have learned from her, and then I will only go on to become an even greater rider after her. I do it because I love it. I do it because it makes me happy, because I need it in my life, because it gives me something that I crave. I'm not trying to make money out of it. There's no deadline, no time frame, no rules, no set steps. Every time I ride, I'm better for it, and every time I ride, I gain something from it, simply because I went and did it. Every time I get on is going to be better than not getting on at all. Every ride is an improvement. Every ride is room for growth that I take advantage of. The only bad ride is one that does not happen. If, by any chance, I do happen to go far with it, god bless me, good for me. But that's not what I'm worried about, and that's not what I have to do in my life. I'm not training with the Olympics in mind. I'm training now just to get better at riding, and that's good enough for me. And guess what? It's fun for me, so there!
Life is short. Too short. Do what you love. Do what you truly enjoy. Do what makes your soul happy through and through, instead of only what you think you have to, or what you need to do just for the sake of getting to a certain point that you have decided to put in place for your future. Do things just for the heck of doing things. Do them for fun, for love, for you, with little to no focus on where you want to go with it. As long as you keep doing it because it makes you happy, it will continue to give you what you might never have even asked from it in the beginning.
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